Anxiety

마빈

It’s not easy to know if you are in a wrong way or not, especially when you have a deep belief in your job and company. Sometimes i wonder that if I have an another job now, what would be changed. Will it be better or worse? I just don’t know, but I feel it. The day forces me to made a decision, a big decision is coming.

My job as a game server programmer is not bad. Frankly, it can’t be better than this. The team is insulated from outside storm. We’re in a safe house. No danger threats me. That’s good! However, sometimes all of this peace makes me feel cold. I can see that it’s not real. I mean this whole peace doesn’t reflect the changes of ouside business environment and the real world is not hospital to us.

Of course, busiess can be wrong. Maybe it’s not a big deal, but I want more active environment. I don’t want to be protected. I just want to make myself more active person who are more involved in business things. These days, frequent delusion “if I were a manager, i would do this, not that.” comes to me. The better choise are there, but the organization moves slowly. It made me dissapointed sometimes, I should confess.

Well. it is possible that all of these will be proved just a delusion someday. I really hope so.

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